The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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