Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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