i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
