his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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