My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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