Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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