i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
