um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He felt like a one man threesome
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
