I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
