Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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