The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
