nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
