he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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