mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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