I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
