dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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