Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
