the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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