The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
