Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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