So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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