never play flip cup with pint glasses
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
