well I can't set my house on fire every night
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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