Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You don't make any sense
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