i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I would ride that face into the sunset
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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