I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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