every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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