I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
