apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
