every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
