Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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