Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
