I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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