I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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