Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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