u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
that is very illegal...i love you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
