A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
