I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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