angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize