Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
