feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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