Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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