There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize