I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
