I need help removing her.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
