a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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