I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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