so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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