She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize