So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize