new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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