I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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