put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
