Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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