Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
