i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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