I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
