This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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