she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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