return my video game
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
