he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
