Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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