last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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