he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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