Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
