I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
