you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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