Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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