I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
