I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
