Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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