I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
