You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
