I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My dick has a subreddit
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
