now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
