I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
