When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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